it’s complicated

All the material in this blog may seem to point to a notion that I am a hater of adoption.  And that may be true.  But if I am a hater, it is not as if my feelings are unfounded, and I’ll tell you why.

Here is the bare bones, naked, raw truth of my experience with adoption:  Adoption takes the one relationship in the entire universe that is the simplest, purest of all relationships, the bond between mother and child, and convolutes it, makes it all twisted and complicated.  For years, I have been fighting the impulse to reach out to my son, just for the simplest things that many mothers get to enjoy and take for granted, but because there is this complicated thing between us, i.e., his adoption, I cannot.  I do not cross that boundary that – everything within me and everything in the natural world and the universe seems to almost shout – SHOULDN’T EVEN BE THERE!!

It should be the simplest thing: think of my son, pick up the phone.  But NO!  Can’t do that!  Can’t upset that apple cart!  He’s my SON not a GD apple or cart!  Anything that F’s with that simplest and most basic universal truth is F’d UP!!  It just IS!


2 thoughts on “it’s complicated

  1. I think that so often life is like a huge jigsaw puzzle that has events happen that stir the entire box but I do believe that it’s not impossible as it may seem. We are very limited in our vision…a metaphor that works for me being legally blind without my contacts. I figure if I had patience that only faith could bring I’d suffer a lot less…not pain free, don’t get me wrong…just less. Strength to you my friend…my favorite saying of my mom’s: today isn’t the rest of your life, it’s just today.

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